ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
