Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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