is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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