God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
