How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
