You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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