i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I did not marry a roomba.
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