Sponge bath it is.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
