im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
