apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
