Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
