I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
