New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
