I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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