it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
actually, I'm a sock model
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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