I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
