he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
