I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
