my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
