Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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