My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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