I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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