I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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