to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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