Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
