Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
