i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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