shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
