I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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