well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
