Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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