Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
