so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
