i wish my penis had a tongue
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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