thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
