The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Text me some of your sweat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
