ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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