I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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