My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google imaged poop.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
