you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
