Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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