My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
