Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
