just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
