Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
