Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
