i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
