i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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