k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
