Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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