How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
