drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
